i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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