You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize