i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
