Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
