Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
