just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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