I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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