He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
