I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize