ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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