I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize