wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
