I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
