I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
