U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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