I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
