i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
