i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
