chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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