dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
