I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
