So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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