question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
It's official drugs can't kill me
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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