I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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