There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
