Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
