oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
