I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
