Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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