Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
