my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
