I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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