My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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