Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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