i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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