Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
