umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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