I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
