Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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