I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Randomize
