Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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