It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
