I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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