We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
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