Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
