You just made me feel so damn special
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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