Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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