I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
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