1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize