my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
