Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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