You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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