Just fell off a train. Bad.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize