1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
