He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize