I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
