so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
