me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
