I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
