if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
