when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
