Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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