Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
