you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
