remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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