If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
