at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
