You can't motorboat a personality
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
