I love black thongs
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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