I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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